Hard To Put Into Words

Well, just as I start many of my posts, sorrrry for not posting in a while.  As you each can imagine, I have been enjoying life at home with Tiffany, playing with our dogs, house projects, traveling to see family, family traveling to see us, and just adjusting back to what we call normal life.  I started back with work in the beginning of December, and things are going well there.  It was nice to be received with open arms by everyone I came in contact with.  Other than someone stealing the 'support our troops' magnets off the back of my truck, I have not had any bad experiences as I adjust to life not in Iraq.  I like being able to see my wife feel safe and enjoy tasks that I used to find annoying like taking out the trash (well, maybe just less annoying, haha). 

Christmas and New Years were excellent holidays that I feel unbelievably blessed to have experienced at home.  But as enjoyable as they were, I could not fully engulf myself in happiness because of thoughts about fallen brothers in my unit.  As Christmas morning came, how did the children of those troops cope as they wished to have the best Christmas present ever waiting by the tree (their Dad back)?  Their homes are far from empty because of the many angles who flock to their pain.  But, it is pain nonetheless, and those endless hugs from Dad now only take the form of a memory, rather than reality.  If Tiffany and I are blessed with children in our future, then those quick hugs at the soccer field after a loss, or just before a prom, take new meaning to me, and I already plan to hold on that much longer.     When the ball dropped on new years, were the grieving families smiling even a little bit?  I hope so, and pray that smiles pried themselves out due to the memory of their fallen hero. 

While in Iraq, my squadron experienced the loss of six Soldiers.  I have written about most of them in this blog site, but feel the need to share their names and memory again with you all.  Here is a picture that lists the Soldiers who were killed in our area of operations before my unit arrived.  One picture is of our Squadron Commander, who was saluting a memorial set up for a fallen troop. 

This next picture found its way as my background at work, and will probably be there for some time.  It lists the guys from my squadron who died during our tour.  The first one is Staff Sergeant Eric M. Steffeney.  He was an Explosive Ordnance Disposal expert, and routinely saved the lives of troops in my unit.  He was attached to us

from the 82nd Airborne Division, and is ______ missed by his wife Theresa, children, and other family members.   If I just wrote 'missed' then I feel that I would be understating the feeling.  Also, I can't just plug in words like 'immensely' or 'incredibly' before 'missed' because it simply is not something that I can understand.  Only those who live day to day without their loved one understands, so if you or someone you know is quick with words like, 'I understand', then please be careful.  Neither you nor I fully understand that pain.  After Eric was killed, the makeshift street near where he stayed was named after him.  Also he was the first in our FOB's Memorial Garden, which stands next to the chapel.  Rest in Peace SSG, 23 February 2005.

Thank you Eric for your life and service to our country..

The next Soldier in the Memorial Garden was another troop who's smile lite up the room.  Sergeant Paul W. Thomason III was a Soldier that I met while riding the roads in Iraq.  One day I met him, had a great conversation about things other than being in Iraq, and then two weeks later he was gone. I found myself having to talk to people about the loss and fortunately I had an excellent troop Commander that I reported to.  SGT Thomason was one of his troops as well and we spoke about the letter that he wrote to Paul's family.  This Commander knew his troops, and after Paul was killed, this Captain (now Major) had a facial expression that I had never seen before.  It was an expression of pain, anguish, worry, anger, and fear of losing even more troops.  The Commander told me that out of all of the things he had done in Iraq, writing the letter to his family was by far the hardest.  Like Eric, Paul has multiple children who now live without a Father who was so loving.  Rest in Peace SGT, 20 March 2005.

Thank you Paul for your life and service to our country..

Staff Sergeant Mark O. Edwards was a friend of my Executive Officer.  We got word that he died in his sleep.  I still do not know the details of why it happened, but it simply happened, and the mourning began.  We hope and pray that it was painless, and he went softly into the arms God.  Our Executive Officer, a fellow Lieutenant, spoke of how great Mark was, and how much he will miss him.  I never met Mark, but heard that he was a great Soldier.  Rest in Peace SSG, 9 June 2005.

Thank you Mark for your life and service to our country...

The next three Soldiers died within seconds of each other.  Staff Sergeant Asbury "Freddie" Hawn II, Sergeant Shannon D. Taylor, and Specialist Gary L. Taylor Jr. were killed in the same attack, which shocked my platoon.  We could not at first believe that three were killed.  We wanted to keep asking, "Are you sure it is not one killed and two injured?", or some variation of that question.  Once the confirmation came that it was three who died, then again reality hit even harder about where we were.  Various guys in my platoon had IEDs blow up near them or mortar rounds land less than 50 meters near them, but none were killed.  I even had one incident in which a suicide car bomber blew up behind the vehicle I was in.  Fortunately our gunner was not killed, and we checked on each other after the blast shook our vehicle.  So, it hits home in my heart and mind that I could have joined these great Soldiers in the afterlife.  As I still have eight years till my twenty (retirement), I still face the reality of being in the enemy's sights.  Well, we all need to never forget that even at home, we are in their sights.  They don't care if they kill children, the elderly, a Colonel, or a Private.  The bravery of these fallen Soldiers still amazes me, and what is more amazing is how God holds them and us in His hands.  Rest in Peace SSG, SGT and SPC 14 August 2005. 

Thank you Freddie for your life and service to our country..

Thank you Shannon for your life and service to our country..

Thank you Gary for your life and service to our country..

SGT Kevin Downs was in the vehicle when Freddie, Shannon, and Gary died.  Kevin was blown clear out of the vehicle.  When we heard about his condition, the word was that he had two broken legs, a broken arm, broken pelvis, and 60% of his body was burned.  If you want to read how Kevin is doing, please visit http://scadvocate.com/kevin_downs.htm.  His medical status has improved, and we pray that he continues to make major strides towards recovery.

Thank you Kevin for driving through the pain of recovery, and being such a strong Soldier.  Those in the US who never really feel the pains that pay for freedom owe you so much.  You and all the other Soldiers who were injured or killed have absorbed the pains (cost) of freedom.  Even though you are enlisted and I am an officer, I salute YOU first for who you are..

 

“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” --Thomas Jefferson.

I still have difficulties with this quote, but feel that is disappointingly true...

Comments

[M Lewis]

Shawn - Glad you're back on line. Thanks for reminding us of the sacrifice and courage of those with whom you served.

One of my first duties after returning home was to write a speech for the old man when we dedicated the monument to our fallen. (We all inscribe the names of the dead in stone.) I've never worked harder on such a short speech. Soon afterward, I spoke at a small Veterans Day observance 100 miles away from post. Even though the audience had no connection with the dead, I took the time to read the names of those we lost. It was just something I had to do. The need to remember is compelling for those who come home.

I've linked to your post so others will remember.

Blessings ...

[nikki]

Shawn, what a nice tribute to our fallen soldiers. We are keeping all of the troops and the their families in our thoughts and prayers. I hope it also helps you in your healing as you express your feelings about your experiences. Just know that your family also feels blessed that we did get you back safely. We are all so proud of you and your fellow troops for fighting for freedom for all people. We hope you and the fallen troops'families will find peace and happiness again as their memories are cherished.
love ya.

[Bart]

Sean,

Words can't describe how happy I am that you made it back in one piece or how sad I am to read about the comrades you lost.

Thank you. God bless you.

-Bart

[Charlotte Tinker]

My name is Charlotte & Mark O. Edwards was my first cousin & my friend.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Mark was a good man and a great soldier who loved his country and would do whatever was asked of him. It's a shame you never got to meet him because you would have really liked him.

Please know that all of the soliders are thought about, and prayed over every day here in Memphis, TN. We want your hurried and safe return to your families.

God Speed.

[Brion Butterbaugh]

Shawn,

Thank you and your troops for your sacrifices for my freedom.

I don't take it for granted. I know that I owe my liberty to all of those who defend it. It's a debt I can never repay; I can only attempt to express my appreciation.

Thanks for mentioning Kevin Downs. I worked with him prior to his leaving for Iraq. It is rare to meet such a pleasant, hard-working, polite, and dedicated young man.

Though saddened by the loss of his three fellow soldiers that day, I was thankful that; through some miracle; Kevin survived. His road to recovery has been another battle in itself; yet through the tremendous, unbelievable amount of pain he has experienced his attitude remains positive, his will remains strong, and his love of country has never waivered.

I am humbled to be able to live in a Nation that produces such men. Thank you all.

Brion Butterbaugh

[S. LaDon Ware]

We are starting a web magazine dedicated to the written arts and one thing we want to emphasize within the publication are the words of the American Soldier. We would like to offer that soldiers can submit their poetry, prose and musings to our site www.firenflow.com and we will do our best to make sure the American people and the world hear what you have to say.

Be well,
S. LaDon Ware
Fire ‘N Flow Co-op Magazine for the written Arts

[Spc. David]

It's good to be home, isn't it?

[Jennelle]

Dear Friend,

Thank you so much for all you've done for us [our country.]

God bless you and I'm so happy that you got home safely.

Also, I want to say what a lovely tribute this post is to your fallen friends and heros.

Bless you, my friend ...

Love,

Jennelle

[Nikki]

Yesterday we launched another offensive attack. I would like to put it in my brother's own words.
"who's your baghdaddy now"
Supposedly, he bought Tiffany a shirt with that sentiment on it while overseas.
Let's all pray for the soliders safety as they are "kicking some baghdaddy ass".

[Dustin Cade McClellan]

I just saw some things online about our soilders in Iraq and ones that have been there and I decided that I should go about on various blogs and congratulate everyone for not only fighitng for our safety but for Iraqi freedoms.

Thank you so much for doing what you did and sacrificing all that was sacrificed. People have no idea what it is like over there but we can only guess.

God bless and luck be with you, your family and your troop.

[kim]

You are in my prayers that happiness is what you share with your family. No words could ever say thank you enough for defending your, mine, OUR Country!! I will remember you always
Kim

[John McNamara]

Great tribute...thought you would appreciate th following...

Subject: Operation 9/11 Remembrance and Reflection

Please join us in this campaign and PLEASE forward this email
immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also
forward it. We have about two weeks to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America. If you forward this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the same...you get the idea.

THE PROGRAM IS THIS: On Sunday, September 11th, 2006 - the Fifth Anniversary of the attacks on America - an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this fifth anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to
endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad on our behalf.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed
in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood
shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all
but disappeared or have been left tattered. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our american flag is the fabric of our country and together we can
prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do...

(1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people).
Please don't be the one to break this chain. Please take a moment to think
back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans
should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make
it a priority on this day. If you don't have a flag or if the one you
have is a little worn, you can get one at your local hardware store
or you can get one for free by visiting http://www.AmericanFlags.com
right now. They mail a flag straight to your door.

Thank you for your participation! God Bless You and God Bless America

[printingworld]

best site
http://www.printingworld.org/

[voip word]

best site
http://www.voip-world.us/

[Kristen Rhoad]

Thank you for sharing your story of Iraq. Also, I wnat to thank you for posting your fellow Soldiers memorials as you did. It put a personal touch to their sacrifices.

I wanted to speak with you about a fellow 120th solider, Phil Haberman. Please contact me.

[destinee]

well i would like to wish every body and soul in Iraq a Happy Thanksgiving because next week is not promised to nobody. I would soon be joining the army to help serve our country.
Thank You!

[K. Winzer]

I wanted to thank you for this post. Often it is so difficult for me to see the light at the end of our tunnel. I am honored to be the wife of an incredible man, a Christian, a husband, a son, a brother and a soldier through and through. His commitment and his dedication inspire me daily, even in the midst of my fear and my longing for him. I am grateful that you and others like you are home at last and I pray diligently for the safe return of my own soldier. You are all close to my heart each and every day. I pray that you and Tiffany will be blessed and will cherish one another.

Thank you for your sacrifice and for offering me a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. Enjoy these holidays with your wife and family and continue to remember those in Iraq in your prayers.

Blessings and thanks - Kelly Winzer, wife of SSGT Nathan Winzer, 1-34 BCT "Desert Bulls"

www.waitingonnate.blogspot.com

[Cons]

Saddam killed 26 person in shiit village. G. Bush killed 3000 americans and more than 200k iraqi civilians. Saddam is hanged. What about Bush? Even Germans say that Bush is Hitler. They know very good what they say - they knew Hitler. Do you know your Hitler? And what you, americans, can say about indians? You live on foreign territory! What can you say about Texas - it a mexican territory! Soon we will bomb you... No fate for americans!

[LeOgAhEr]

I Love you girls

Buy

[Jim Baxter]

Every September, I recall that it is more than half a century (62 years) since I landed at Nagasaki with the 2nd Marine Division in the original occupation of Japan following World War II. This time every year, I have watched and listened to the light-hearted "peaceniks" and their light-headed symbolism-without-substance of ringing bells, flying pigeons, floating candles, and sonorous chanting and I recall again that "Peace is not a cause - it is an effect."

In July, 1945, my fellow 8th RCT Marines [I was a BARman] and I returned to Saipan following the successful conclusion of the Battle of Okinawa. We were issued new equipment and replacements joined each outfit in preparation for our coming amphibious assault on the home islands of Japan.

B-29 bombing had leveled the major cities of Japan, including Kobe, Osaka, Nagoya, Yokohama, Yokosuka, and Tokyo.

We were informed we would land three Marine divisions and six Army divisions, perhaps abreast, with large reserves following us in. It was estimated that it would cost half a million casualties to subdue the Japanese homeland.

In August, the A-bomb was dropped on Hiroshima but the Japanese government refused to surrender. Three days later a second A-bomb was dropped on the city of Nagasaki. The Imperial Japanese government finally surrendered.

Following the 1941 sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, a Japanese admiral said, "I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant..." Indeed, they had. Not surprisingly, the atomic bomb was produced by a free people functioning in a free environment. Not surprisingly because the creative process is a natural human choice-making process and inventiveness occurs most readily where choice-making opportunities abound. America!

Tamper with a giant, indeed! Tyrants, beware: Free men are nature's pit bulls of Liberty! The Japanese learned the hard way what tyrants of any generation should know: Never start a war with a free people - you never know what they may invent!

As a newly assigned member of a U.S. Marine intelligence section, I had a unique opportunity to visit many major cities of Japan, including Tokyo and Hiroshima, within weeks of their destruction. For a full year I observed the beaches, weapons, and troops we would have assaulted had the A-bombs not been dropped. Yes, it would have been very destructive for all, but especially for the people of Japan.

When we landed in Japan, for what came to be the finest and most humane occupation of a defeated enemy in recorded history, it was with great appreciation, thanksgiving, and praise for the atomic bomb team, including the aircrew of the Enola Gay. A half million American homes had been spared the Gold Star flag, including, I'm sure, my own.

Whenever I hear the apologists expressing guilt and shame for A-bombing and ending the war Japan had started (they ignore the cause-effect relation between Pearl Harbor and Nagasaki), I have noted that neither the effete critics nor the puff-adder politicians are among us in the assault landing-craft or the stinking rice paddies of their suggested alternative, "conventional" warfare. Stammering reluctance is obvious and continuous, but they do love to pontificate about the Rights that others, and the Bomb, have bought and preserved for them.

The vanities of ignorance and camouflaged cowardice abound as license for the assertion of virtuous "rights" purchased by the blood of others - those others who have borne the burden and physical expense of Rights whining apologists so casually and self-righteously claim.

At best, these fakers manifest a profound and cryptic ignorance of causal relations, myopic perception, and dull I.Q. At worst, there is a word and description in The Constitution defining those who love the enemy more than they love their own countrymen and their own posterity. Every Yankee Doodle Dandy knows what that word is.

In 1945, America was the only nation in the world with the Bomb and it behaved responsibly and respectfully. It remained so until two among us betrayed it to the Kremlin. Still, this American weapon system has been the prime deterrent to earth's latest model world- tyranny: Seventy years of Soviet collectivist definition, coercion, and domination of individual human beings.

The message is this: Trust Freedom. Remember, tyrants never learn. The restriction of Freedom is the limitation of human choice, and choice is the fulcrum-point of the creative process in human affairs. As earth's choicemaker, it is our human identity on nature's beautiful blue planet and the natural premise of man's free institutions, environments, and respectful relations with one another. Made in the image of our Creator, free men choose, create, and progress - or die.

Free men should not fear the moon-god-crowd oppressor nor choose any of his ways. Recall with a confident Job and a victorious David, "Know ye not that you are in league with the stones of the field?"

Semper Fidelis
Jim Baxter
Sgt. USMC
WW II and Korean War

Job 5:23 Proverbs 3:31 I Samuel 17:40
See: http://www.choicemaker.net/

[april]

sean,
i somehow came across your blog by searching for something and i am all about the military and support our troops 110% and so when i saw a soldiers blog i was curious. So i started reading and omg i couldnt stop. The tributes to the fallen was a great thing to do and the way you write is great. I am joining the army and will be leaving for basic march3rd and i its possible i might end up there one day. I actually wanna go to help ppl im gonna be a medic. Reading this helped me to see more of what life is like there and as you say i will never understand what you or any one else went through or is still going through and i will never be a family member of a fallen soldier but i am a friend of many soldiers who are deployed right now and i hope to never have to feel what these families and friends must be feeling. I also hope to never have to put my family through the pain either. Anways i just wanted to tell you how much i enjoyed reading your blogs and im glad you made it home safely to your friends and family thank you thank you so much for protecting me, you and all the other military men and women serving are my heroes

april

[va purchase loan]

May God bless each of you.

[Mod]

It is not easy to read, god bless you and your Family.

[Oliver]

God bless the people like you who risk your lives for all of us at home! I may be uncertain about this war, but I can't TELL you how much I look up to you and appreciate people like you who risk SO much for us. I have to say thank you for EVERYTHING you do, and for putting your lives on the line for us. I am in the DEEPEST of gratitude.
Yours sincerely,
-Oliver

[iwiLetter.com]

Wow, that's hard to read, but thanks for giving us a chance to read about and remember what those soldiers sacrificed for us. If you have family, friends or colleagues still in the Military, send them a letter for free this May!

In recognition of Memorial Day iwiLetter.com (send real letters, write online) is offering our Free “Memorial Day Mail Call” campaign (http://iwiLetter.com/Military). U.S. Military personnel and their families are invited to use iwiLetter.com’s letter writing services free of charge during the entire month of May, and can also enter to win one year of our services for free. iwiLetter.com makes letter writing convenient by allowing users to simply visit iwiLetter.com and type their letter online, iwiLetter.com then handles the rest: printing the letter on recycled paper, placing it in a recycled envelope with a first-class stamp and mailing it through the U.S. postal service within 24 hours, including letters sent to U.S Soldiers overseas.